Briefly, the Sweaters were streaky. They lost 3 straight to start the season. They Won 5 in a row, getting fat on weak opponents. Then played .500 ball to make the playoffs at 8-6.
Not the expected outcome from the once powerful division leaders; But the old bronze north this wasn't. Old Brogue and Cryptic Stench, two potential silver teams came to the division and ran roughshod over what was once a peacefully owned and happy land. Cryptic with their unwashed Jerseys and complete lack of genital hygiene were too much for the Sweaters in two regular season matches. The droid-preteen army presented by Old Brogue was simply one droid-preteen too many in their 2 matches with Lord Cosby's holy fighters.
Playoffs.
As the three seed the Sweaters faced off against their week 14 adversary, The Ivan Drago's. Despite the comedy act the sweaters were able to focus in the last game of the regular season. Feeling strong going into the rematch, they were nearly unseated. An up and down high scoring game was the theme, tender Ron Whaley surrendered a few early goals that would have not been commonplace in the regular season. A solid effort in the late third and a miraculous overtime goal kept the Sweaters in the bracket and out of Ted Shaffer's closet of embarrassment and shame.
In the second round the adversary would be of much better quality. Thankfully the Sweaters showed up in earnest this time. Against the Cryptic Stench (11-3) the Sweaters were able to get 3 early goals in response to a fluke first shot fired by cryptic. Riding on the back of Backup Goalie Kevin Durkin the Sweaters coasted to a 5-1 win. A statement win heading into the showdown with the droid-preteen army. Old Brogue.....
Finals. Best of 3 series.
Game one.
Needs. Full. Post.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Catching up with Cosby
Well hello there!
Its been some time hasn't it? Lets catch up with how our beloved Cosby Sweaters have evolved over our time away!
Ready?
Lets go!
Roster Changes.
Since making the switch back to the Northern region of the Bronze division the Cosby Sweaters have made some interesting front office decisions.
Offense,
*Power forward L. Kairys (21) reported to camp 85 pounds overweight and with a severe ankle sprain. Several media outlets reported that the injury was sustained whilst fighting with a band of howler monkeys dressed in Baltimore Ravens jerseys. As for the weight gain, the snowboard shop he manages in the off season moved next door to a Belgian waffle house.
*By placing the forward on the PUW (physically unable to walk) list they freed up a roster spot that was used to sign up and coming right winger Darren Kurre (6). Kurre comes from the Lucha Libre Wrestling Federation and is expected to bring grit as well as extreme lung capacity to the Sweaters lineup.
Defense
* Matt Myerson was traded to the Manitoba Mega-stache's of the Western Canada Broomball League. Once Manitoba realized that the red haired swing-man had never heard of Broomball they immediately demanded their refrigerator back. The front office complied with little resistance.
* In Myerson's absence the squad brought up former first round selection Andrew Maksimovic. Maksimovic was drafted 8th two weeks after the Sweaters took home their first championship trophy against team Carpool. After Spending several seasons training in the Carahsoft Happy Hour league the Sweaters made good on their pick and brought the young winger up.
Transition to Bronze North.
The Cosby Sweaters were not ready for Silver. Man to man they might have been talented enough, but silver takes chemistry, Speed, and the ability to shake a 16 beer and 3 tequila shooter evening. Our Sweaters had only the last attribute. Despite Starting their title defense in silver with a rousing win against the communists. The sweaters sputtered their way to consecutive 2-12 seasons, paired with first round exits. Deciding that an emotional lift was required the team decided to return to their former division. Oh how it had changed!
In the absence of all that was once good, the bronze division had fallen into the grips of a tyrannical power, The Old Brogue.
Lets discuss "The Brogue" a team that started in bronze south with a group of friends. Unable to compete, and frustrated by their inability to score with anything with a pulse the team turned to technology. By Facebook'ing every high school student within 200 miles, team captain Madman Bass was able create an interactive web of young prodigious ice hockey players. Armed with his new network and several pounds of chocolate, Madman Bass was able to coerce several preteens to join his dark ways. This new droid-preteen army was able to conquer bronze south several times. For their efforts the juveniles were rewarded with overdone tee-shirts and extra long back rubs. Finally moving up to bronze north they would now face off with the Cosby Sweaters in a division once thought to belong to the Sweaters.
The stage was set.
Its been some time hasn't it? Lets catch up with how our beloved Cosby Sweaters have evolved over our time away!
Ready?
Lets go!
Roster Changes.
Since making the switch back to the Northern region of the Bronze division the Cosby Sweaters have made some interesting front office decisions.
Offense,
*Power forward L. Kairys (21) reported to camp 85 pounds overweight and with a severe ankle sprain. Several media outlets reported that the injury was sustained whilst fighting with a band of howler monkeys dressed in Baltimore Ravens jerseys. As for the weight gain, the snowboard shop he manages in the off season moved next door to a Belgian waffle house.
*By placing the forward on the PUW (physically unable to walk) list they freed up a roster spot that was used to sign up and coming right winger Darren Kurre (6). Kurre comes from the Lucha Libre Wrestling Federation and is expected to bring grit as well as extreme lung capacity to the Sweaters lineup.
Defense
* Matt Myerson was traded to the Manitoba Mega-stache's of the Western Canada Broomball League. Once Manitoba realized that the red haired swing-man had never heard of Broomball they immediately demanded their refrigerator back. The front office complied with little resistance.
* In Myerson's absence the squad brought up former first round selection Andrew Maksimovic. Maksimovic was drafted 8th two weeks after the Sweaters took home their first championship trophy against team Carpool. After Spending several seasons training in the Carahsoft Happy Hour league the Sweaters made good on their pick and brought the young winger up.
Transition to Bronze North.
The Cosby Sweaters were not ready for Silver. Man to man they might have been talented enough, but silver takes chemistry, Speed, and the ability to shake a 16 beer and 3 tequila shooter evening. Our Sweaters had only the last attribute. Despite Starting their title defense in silver with a rousing win against the communists. The sweaters sputtered their way to consecutive 2-12 seasons, paired with first round exits. Deciding that an emotional lift was required the team decided to return to their former division. Oh how it had changed!
In the absence of all that was once good, the bronze division had fallen into the grips of a tyrannical power, The Old Brogue.
Lets discuss "The Brogue" a team that started in bronze south with a group of friends. Unable to compete, and frustrated by their inability to score with anything with a pulse the team turned to technology. By Facebook'ing every high school student within 200 miles, team captain Madman Bass was able create an interactive web of young prodigious ice hockey players. Armed with his new network and several pounds of chocolate, Madman Bass was able to coerce several preteens to join his dark ways. This new droid-preteen army was able to conquer bronze south several times. For their efforts the juveniles were rewarded with overdone tee-shirts and extra long back rubs. Finally moving up to bronze north they would now face off with the Cosby Sweaters in a division once thought to belong to the Sweaters.
The stage was set.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
**MERGER** Dulles Hockey Federation - Box Junior Hockey League, NOW Dulles Hockey League by Insta-Bronze
In February some bad news hit our corner of the hockey universe. The Box Junior Hockey League (Formerly Insta-Bronze Hockey @ the Box) had lost their endless supply of spray-on tanner sponsor. Under increasing financial pressure and with no hope of a Government bailout the box was forced to merge with the Dulles Hockey Federation.
As a new season approaches, uncertainty reigns supreme. How will the new teams from the BJHL handle the rough and rowdy ways of the "Plex"? How will the new skaters take to the strangely comforting blue surface? Will Ted Shaffer finally live up to his self-created hype?
The merger teams in the Bronze North Division include..
The Ivan Drago's
Puckhounds
Basetan
the carry-overs are....
Cosby Sweaters
Bass to Mouth (gross)
Silver Bullets
Old Brogue
Early season power rankings to follow.
As a new season approaches, uncertainty reigns supreme. How will the new teams from the BJHL handle the rough and rowdy ways of the "Plex"? How will the new skaters take to the strangely comforting blue surface? Will Ted Shaffer finally live up to his self-created hype?
The merger teams in the Bronze North Division include..
The Ivan Drago's
Puckhounds
Basetan
the carry-overs are....
Cosby Sweaters
Bass to Mouth (gross)
Silver Bullets
Old Brogue
Early season power rankings to follow.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Shocking the Shockers
In a very winnable game tomorrow night the Cosby Sweaters will put their ego's on the line and look to come out with the first win of what has become a very frustrating season.
I caught up with a few players after their mandatory skate on tuesday morning,
Defenceman Kevin Ahearn skated despite nursing tender groin "Ive been battling this thing since the ski trip. I think it was either the icy deck sliding or walking around in ski boots. either way I was a bit shy on the slappers out there today"
Goaltender Ron Whaley isn't nursing any injuries is excited about improving on his GAA as well as groin checking skills, "I saw Simek around the practice facilities...trade deadline...all i can say is i was excited for round two!"
**Rumor Control** the team has not made any trade deadline moves and that may or may not have been Jamison Simek lurking around the Sweaters Betty Crocker Practice Facility.
A very happy Mark Jacyna, "It is awesome being back at practice! After the conditions in that loft area last weekend we are all just so ecstatic to be in a large open air space!"
Shaffer had no comment, his eyes however did look pink.
heres what to look for against the Shockers......
- At 4-5 the Shockers are the team nearest to the sweaters in the standings.
- Once again the opponent relies heavily on one scorer. Stop #20's backhand shot and you stop the monster.
- The Shockers tend to be a dirty team, can the Sweaters keep their wits about them.
- Over/Under on emails written asking forgiveness? The early line is 2.
- Will our own #20 please no backhanders prove himself to be the scoring punch the team has been lacking?
- Big Rigs going to the net. #41, 21, 20. Go to Pho Deluxe for Pho! Go to the net for goals! get it, got it, good!
Team Get-away Recap
Given their current record, team president Emily Kollaja decided to withdraw the teams 4 all stars from the festivities. Deciding instead to use the all star weekend to strengthen the teams camaraderie, as well as their ability to overcome pungent odors.
The location of the getaway was a beautiful cabin owned by minority owner Oscar Cosby. Upon arriving the team was treated to a gourmet meal consisting of brats, burgers, and brews. and
What a mistake that menu turned out to be.
Clearly unamused, forward Mark Jacyna declared "some members of the team clearly cannot handle their Brats" Grinder-water consultant Ted Shaffer echoed those sentiments but was too shaken to get out any intelligible comments on the subject "just terrible" was picked up amongst his mutterings.
Despite the setback, it seem a wonderful weekend was had by all and the sweaters appear ready for a second half push.
Quick hits
- Several illustrations were drawn early sunday morning, they are being considered as new logos.
- Defenseman Joe W was unable to attend as he is no longer welcome in the state of Maryland.
- Despite breaking the unnecessary injury clause in all players contracts, the team proceeded to ski/snowboard/Ski-blade (Luke) on sunday morning. Fun was had by all.
- Matt 'roja-rapido' Myerson impressed all in attendance with his triple cork on the rental skis.
he explained it simply "you learn alot of things in mexico. Some good, others......"
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Crushing goals; the American Way
Thursday evening the Cosby Sweaters will face off against a red team that is flying high. Too high perhaps? While their solid play has allowed them a nice early lead in the standings, it may come with a price...overconfidence.
Several self proclaimed benchmarks such as reaching 100 goals scored on the season, Staying below a seemingly arbitrary 56 goals allowed on the season, and finally the doomsday like achievement of getting Pete Collis his first career goal.
What can be said of a team that puts arbitrary stats above the only one that matters?
Zey lack discipline!!
Look for the Cosby Sweaters to come out playing with the passion of 1000 Steve Hands and suprise the high flying Red Army!
Prediction 6-5 Cosby Sweaters in shootout
Cosby Sweaters look to bag first win, communism.
The 1980 men's Olympic ice hockey team took to the ice a massive underdog. They had been written off completely. The total annihilation to come at the hands of the soviets was a mere formality. But then something amazing happened.
A group of inexperienced young players banded together and played the best 60 minutes of hockey in their life's.
On Thursday night in the Anita's breakfast burrito arena the Cosby Sweaters look to relive that heroic effort against a 6-0 Red army squad that seems as dominant as a certain wall once did. Just Before It Fell.
Keep an eye out for a pregame analysis of what the underdog sweaters will need to do in order to take down the soviet super power.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
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